Waiting For The Perfect Match

You want the perfect partner, you are waiting to find that perfect person and not willing to settle for less.  Or, you give in to accept flaws that you know are big problems because you are tired of being alone. 

Both are big mistakes and lead to either being alone or being with the wrong person in what ends up to be a bad relationship leaving more scars.

Let’s look at the problems with these dating patterns.

The perfect person may exist, and you may be fortunate enough to meet them, but, in your mind, they're not the perfect one for you because of one tiny mistake or thing you do not like. So you reject them.

This is a very important question to consider; What is perfect for you and why did you determine those qualities to define perfection? 

Are your definitions of perfection really absolutely necessary? Are they realistic? Or, is it because somebody told you, or you read that this is what a perfect person would be like? And the most destructive opinion that prevents happiness is that; You deserve perfection as you want it to be.  

When you're looking for the perfect person, you have to think first about the qualities that you want, and then, ask yourself if those qualities innately, truly make a person perfect or worthy? Or are they qualities that are unrealistic and not actually things that you want in your own heart, but things somebody else has put into your head?

The next question is; Are you really worthy of such a perfect person? Do you really deserve that perfection? Just telling yourself repeatedly like a mantra that you are wonderful and perfect as you are and that you deserve everything you want, does not change reality and make you into what you imagine yourself to be.  

This discussion is not about you, we cover that in the courses on Relationships, for now, I just want to get you to open your mind so you stop pushing away someone who you could be happy with. 

Many years ago I was introduced to a woman by mutual friends. We lived in different cities so we could not easily meet but we talked for hours on the phone very day.  After a month of my inviting her to meet me, and her refusal, I confronted her and asked that since we got along so well, what was she waiting for.  She explained that when she decided to find a man, she made a list of ten things she wanted, and I had all ten.  She realized that the list was so impossible to fulfil that it was made to prevent her from ever settling down with a man, and she never thought she would meet a man who had everything she was looking for. So she got scared and ran away. 

Is that what you are doing? Would you know if you met that person?  I can answer that for you, no, you would not. And the reason is, because if you met someone who was that wonderful, you will find the smallest irrelevant reason to say they are not perfect and reject them without accepting explanation, apology or the opportunity to change. 

Basically I am saying, maybe your list of requirements is so strict for the reason of self protection. If you met that perfect person, you would most likely fall deeply in love and become very attached. Then, what most people believe is, they will break up with you and you will be destroyed.  So better to stay away from that probability.

This leads people to choose someone who is clearly a bad match because they will not get emotionally attached and the breakup will be less painful. 

My point is, are you living a life to have love and experiences, accepting the risks but taking the chance anyway, or are you avoiding the most precious experience a human can have. 

Be more open, be willing to take chances, and learn how to deal with the ups and downs of life so you do not live in fear or reject what could be wonderful.  

Make yourself humble and realistic about yourself and others, and find someone who you will be patient enough together to polish off those few things that are not perfect from the start.